The Bride

The twitter of ten year olds jolted her out of her reverie. She looked around for a second, confused. Drat!! Her mind had wandered again. Into the realm of “Little Women”, which she was teaching her fifth standard students. She hoped her class had not seen her dreaming.  “Excuse me” ,a little voice piped up. What was to follow was never known for the bell rang right then for recess. “Thank you Ma’am” , the class chorused while she quickly handed out prep work for the next day.

She picked up her books and walked out of the class to her room. A shy, soft spoken woman with eyes that told umpteen stories- all of yearning and longing. Pretty in the conventional sense. Not just pretty, beautiful.  In her mind she was still Meg being courted by John. Nah.. Laurie and Amy was better. She smiled wistfully; for it was chasing a mirage. That happiness was never going to be hers. For she was the Bride. Forever the Bride. Never the wife.

It was all predestined .Her parents promised to make her the chosen one even before she was born.  A fact drummed into her head by the world from the time she could remember. Her childhood -She was the pet of her family. She grew up a happy child, pampered by all for wasn’t she a visitor there for just a few years? And then in her teens- that dreamy period in the life of every girl, when the awareness of the woman within starts blossoming, she found herself entering a world of vague conflicting dreams. Dreams of the bride and the dreams of the wife- always hand in hand but never together.  For she knew her future had space only for one.

With such vague dreams she entered her new life, embracing it with a fervor which surprised her.But as the newness wore off , the reality set in, and that too rather starkly.She wanted to be the “One” but then she was just one among many. Some there on their own, some out of bitterness in life and many like her following their pre-written destiny. Piousness and charity seemed like a veneer to camouflage the pettiness, squabbling and politicking that was her new world. And of course, that perennial air of discontent that seemed to pervade all around.

She felt lonely, despite being in the midst of people. A growing sense of incompleteness started to plague her. It was all very vague at first, but then it was louder and clearer. It was the longing to belong, a longing to have someone to call her own, someone to make her feel wanted and in return hers to want.

The dreams of the wife returned to toss her soul like a boat caught in a stormy sea. Was it seeing her friends live their life in the outside world the trigger, she wondered? Or was it the world of her books ? Or the handiwork of her surroundings?  A world and life she started disappearing into often, at first in the privacy of her chambers, and then slowly anywhere and everywhere. More than once she caught herself getting carried away by her dreams in the midst of her classes. More than once she caught the look of sympathy and understanding in the eyes of her charges, which surprised her. Showing a sense of maturity far beyond their age, they seemed to sympathize her struggle with her destiny.

But was it her destiny? To be the chosen one? To be that woman, a man could only dream about but  never  his? To be the woman, who will be addressed as mother but never to have a child of her own? To be the woman who will live a life full of longings, all to be sublimated for HIM?

She looked out of her window to see the foreboding stone wall of the convent .The cloister is a prison, she thought bitterly. A path of no return and no exit. She must decide she thought…

And decide she did…. As the night deepened she entered a slumber… from where she will wake into eternity.

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A tale of Romance

It was a classic case of  love at first sight !The symptoms were all there- the first flush of romance, the  unspoken eagerness to meet and the eternal longing to be one with the other.We were inseparable from the beginning  . And like all romances chinks appeared as  mundane life took over. A decade later, we unceremoniously parted ways ( “we shall keep in touch”, we promised ).

 Keep in touch ,we did. Halfhearted attempts here and there over the next decade and half. Each meeting bringing back the old yearning…. Move on, the wise counsel urged. ” You have a life to live and goals to achieve. Let not an old romance stand in its way” they added. And  move on- I did. Life was lived and goals achieved, just that there was an empty space in my heart and a dull ache that refused to go away. An ache that deepened as  the chances of reconciliation dimmed by the day.

It was then that Fate took matters in her hands , in her own unique, inimitable style. Before I could blink my eyes, my life changed overnight. The carpet was pulled under my feet. I was adrift, scared of the unknown and afraid  of the future. One day as I stared into an unsure future with a barely there confidence, I felt the ever familiar presence by my side. A look , that was all it took to forget and forgive the past. We embraced tentatively at first, shy and eager to please. Then the familiarity of it all took over. It was as if we never parted ways. Gazing into the other’s eye we promised – “never again”. Its been six years since then and we still walk hand in hand. And hopefully together into the sunset

They say,true love never dies……

[  From the age of three when I fell hook, line and sinker for dance to the present, this is an attempt to explore the various aspects of my relationship with the art form over almost three decades.The breakup is the 13 year hiatus in between owing to various “commitments” (namely mugging up for exams and gathering degrees). I now manage to find time for dance by scheduling all other activities around it]

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My mornings

 The gentle lady  of the summer, the brooding lady before the monsoon and the virago during the rains ..I love the  sea in all her  moods… And  nothing makes up my morning as pulling back the window curatins to see this!!!!

Horses cantering on the track,
Flocks of birds flying past ,
A gentle blue sea as far as the eyes can see
Such is the morn I see


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A new beginning

The Time has come to revive this blog out of the deep slumber it was in for the last 7 years.In the last 7 years I shifted from being a student to an employee, shifted cities, set up my first house, married, bought my first house, first car and somewhere in that hustle and bustle lost a lot of things that characterized me like my dancing, violin, travelling  and writing. 

The last 2-3 years did see me reclaiming some of my life back- especially dancing and travelling. And this year I guess I will add violin and writing too the list I suppose. So welcome back !!!
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After a Long Time

it’s almost 6 months since i put up my last posts…there was no dearth for topics……….infact there were too many things to write about…… but laziness………..will be surely updating the blog
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Happy Birthday to me


Indukutty celebrated her bday a week back n got her gift today!! A PPI from NCDEX!!!!!! Party time folks ……….
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